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CAN YOU TRULY LET GO OF AN EX?

CAN YOU TRULY LET GO OF AN EX?
  Can you truly let your go of an ex? By Tyson Paul In 2011, R&B singer Chris Brown had a hit song where he talked about being in a relationship with a woman, while wishing that he was still with another woman from his past. In the song “She Ain’t You”, Brown says “Think I better let her go, cause I can’t leave you alone, every day that I’m with her, all I want is you, I wanna leave but I’m afraid, that you don’t even feel the same, and now realize that she ain’t you.” In today’s society, it is very hard for men and women to find true love. We’re always comparing everyone that we date to a certain someone from our past; which always leaves us wondering that same question….”Can I ever truly get over my ex?” Why can’t me and you be me and you?: About three years ago I was dumped by my college girlfriend of 5 years. Now in the beginning of the break-up I was heartbroken like any other person that has ever been involved in a long-term relationship, but after sometime I eventually got back out there and started dating again. In life, you will learn about what certain things you do and you don’t have control over. You can control who you vote for, what you eat for lunch everyday, or even what religion you worship, but when it comes to love; you can’t control who you fall in love with, who falls in love with you, and most of the time how or when a relationship will end. During this three year period, I have been on plenty of dates and met alot of amazing women (Models, Optimentis, Teachers, etc.), but every single woman that I’ve dated, at one point or another would tell me the exact same thing “You’re not over your ex, I can tell.” Now no one wants to hear someone say that some one whom is no longer in their life still has some type of control over them, but as much as I hate to admit it….they were absolutely right because I wasn’t over my ex. I was having the time of my life. I was traveling, partying, and getting hit on by every beautiful women along the way, but if god would of told me to sell everything you’ve ever owned and I’ll give you your ex back; I would of gave it all up plus an arm and a leg for free to be back with my ex-girlfriend. When you still have feelings for someone, you can never truly give yourself to somebody else because 50% of you will be playing compare and contrast between them and your ex, while using the other 50% thinking about nothing but your ex. Now usually when you think about past relationships, you’re suppose figure out what mistakes you made and how you can learn from them, but that’s usually not the case. Alot of the time we look back at relationships and critique each and every problem that we had wondering what you would have done different to change the outcome of every situation. Our heart plays tricks on us thinking causing us feel that changing things would of made the difference. Unless there was a time machine that was invented in France this week, all we are really doing is dwelling on what would of still been the inevitable. You might have been able to change a few things in your relationships, but ultimately if it is not meant to be….eventually it will not be. Timing is everything! : The older we get, the more we’re in a hurry to get the rest of our life started. Most people in their late twenties/early thirties are starting think less about the club and more about the alter. They know that if they want to start a family there’s not much time left to waste. This can cause a person to literally settle for anyone that comes along. Marrying someone because you think that it will help you get over an ex or because you feel “It’s the right thing to do” has to be the two dumbest reasons you can ever come up with; but it happens alot more often than you think. People walk away from relationships because even though they seem to be very happy with someone, they feel that they are misleading them because they are still in love with someone who they hadn’t seen or talked to in years. Although we always dwell on the past and have alot of unforgettable memories from it, we allow the love of the past to stop us from moving forward and finding a new future. It’s that thinking and those emotions that scares the sh*t out of us when we feel that we’re starting to love someone the same way we felt about the old love of our life. Its like the ghost from relationships past constantly haunting you, even though they’re no longer with us; we still make decisions about things as if they are still there. How can I leave the past exactly where it needs to be…..in the past? Good question and the answer to that is we win some and we lose some, but we all have to understand that It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Move bitch, get out the way!: You can define a relationship or a relationship can define you. The one you feel that got away can have you alone and miserable for the rest of your life if you allow them too. They can leave you emotionless, undetermined, and very insecure; because god forbid you allow someone else to get the best of you like our past did. Anyone we date after this is just a person filling the gaps that your ex use to fill and nothing more. We will have sex with you, make you a boyfriend/girlfriend, and we may even talk about marriage, but that because we’re not complete assholes. We will try to make it a real relationship, but after going back and forth with the same mental games, we tend to walk away from it saying to ourselves “It’s no big deal, I never liked them in the first place.” I’ve dated women who I knew in my heart I couldn’t see myself in a long term relationship with, but I would convince myself to stick around and try it out because at least you’re out here dating again. A couple months later, I would come to realize that it was just very wishful thinking. It usually takes us a while to realize that we are not dating someone because of the person, but more because of the feeling we get just being in a relationship period. The problem is, we tend to be consumed with guilt while being with someone we don’t really love and feel bad for wasting their time even though we don’t care for this person romantically. There is no worser feeling than having to tell someone that you no longer want to be with them. Especially if you have to explain to them the reason why you two won’t work is because they won’t ever be the one for me, but thanks for stoping by. Please don’t worry about me I’m fine….I think: Trusting someone with your heart again can be very tough. Some even regress and try to do anything they can to get back with the one that got away. If they can’t get back with the ex, they are more than comfortable with living a bachelor’s lifestyle.That’s the advice I would give to anyone who just can’t make it work with their ex. Be Patient, Keep Trying, and Keep Searching. Fill your life with so many prospective people, that you’ll always be entertained with the chance of getting over the one of a kind ex.