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HOW TO DATE A CO-WORKER

HOW TO DATE A CO-WORKER

By: Melissa Copelton

In a word: DON’T.

I’m just kidding! That’s entirely unrealistic. No matter how many times we’ve all heard the phrases, “don’t shit where you eat” or, “don’t dip the pen in company ink” we still feel compelled to ignore sage advice and date co-workers. Similarly to crystal meth, people are going to do what they want in the end, no matter how idiotic.

So, let’s get to sh*tting at the dinner table, shall we?

Before I explain how to pull off this feat, I’d like to explain why you shouldn’t. Consider me your Surgeon’s General Warning. Picture it now on the condom wrapper, “Fcking Your Co-Worker Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, and May Complicate Pregnancy.*” As a disclaimer, I’m in a relationship with a former co-worker (I switched jobs) and I smoke cigarettes. If a warning sign were tattooed to my forehead, I’d still pretend like I never saw it. I just wanted to paint a full picture of what kind of person I am before we continue.

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Now that that’s done with, dating a co-worker goes against the laws of nature. Why on earth do you want to bring your personal business into the office? Isn’t it bad enough everyone saw you puke at the holiday part last year? It took you months to live that down! Now you want to argue with your girlfriend in front of the water cooler about who you’ve been secretly texting before bed every night? I think not!

Here’s the thing though, it’s inevitable. We spend more time at work than we do with our friends and family combined. If you find yourself attracted to someone at the office, it’s only a matter of time before you act on the attraction. It’s what any sane person would do when there’s a donut dangling in front of their face. They eat the f*cking donut.

Now that you’ve taken a bite, what do you do? How to you ensure that you don’t become the absolute worst office couple to have ever office coupled?

It’s really just one-step, I promise. You keep that sh*t to yourselves!! You don’t hang all over each other, you do not argue, you do not pass love notes, you do not flirtatiously play footsies at the board meetings. You sit up at your desk, attentive, and responsible and do your job. Point blank.

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Erase all of your fantasies of getting a BJ in the copy room, this isn’t PornHub. This is real life and the current climate of the job market isn’t a joke. You wan’t to be unemployed for misconduct all because of some pent-up pre-teen wet dream? No, I didn’t think so. Work is work, love is love, sex is sex, compartmentalize or keep it moving.