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Crazy 8’s w/ Comedian Vanessa Valenzuela

Crazy 8’s w/ Comedian Vanessa Valenzuela

At the end of every day, Kaboom! Magazine trends to get a little crazy. So what we like to do is have some fun with one of our favorite celebrities, models, recording artists, or social media personalities by asking them eight of the craziest questions we can think of in our funniest feature entitled “Crazy 8”s.” Today, we get a little crazy with Southern California comedian/Power 106 staff member Vanessa Valenzuela as she tells us all about dimes or $100, high school exes sexual performance, Tupac’s beef with the three little pigs, and many more. Its only 8 questions, what can possibly go wrong?”….it’s Kaboom! Magazine…..so everything can go very wrong.

Vanessa Valenzuela Info:
AKA: V-Money (I swear I didn’t give myself that nickname)
Age: 22
Zodiac Sign: Virgo
Hometown: Corona, CA
Occupation: Power106 Street Teamer and Bitch Slave to the Head of a Media Service Company
Instagram: @JustMe_NessaV
Twitter: @JustMe_NessaV
Facebook: Vanessa Valenzuela
Snapchat: @JustMe_NessaV (Best Place to Catch Me)
If you could have one crazy night with one person (past or present) it would have to be with…: My grandma, she was a thug and I would have loved to have hung out with her in her prime.
Do crazy people exist: Yes, comics and customer service agents are living proof. Who in their right mind would pursue a career in people pleasing.
You know you’re crazy when…: You wear sweaters during the summer.
What is the craziest thing you’ve seen in the past 30 days: A homeless man twerking to “Ayee Ladies” by Travis Porter and chasing down girls to dance.

I'm a God Damn, Motherfucking Comedian

1. Would you rather take a million dollars in dimes for the rest of your life or take $2 million dollars in $100 bills once?
I only allow dimes into my life… SIKE $2 Mil. I’m impatient.

2. Create a quote using the idea that a bum wants you to know that his life isn’t that bad?
Sometimes you make $6 dollars standing at the end of the freeway exit, sometimes you make $10 – it’ll all get you something off the dollar menu.

3. Would you ever consider putting your parents in an old folk’s home?
Yes, it’d be the nicest place they ever lived.

The Only Blue Balls I Care About

4. What breaks and never falls and what falls and never breaks?
Night and day… Not ashamed to say that I may have gone to college but I definitely still needed the Google machine for that one.

5. How would you improve your high school ex-boyfriends sex life so he can provide his wife with amazing sex for the rest of their lives?
He was Black – there’s nothing to improve.

6. How do you think your kids will think you’re corny when you become a parent?
If they’re not assholes, they’re going to me disgusted by how much I love them. I’m going to be that mom violently screaming “te quiero mi cueridos” when I drop them off for school, and forcing them to return my affection.

7. A farmer had 752 sheep and it took one shot that got them all. How did he do it?
Panoramic picture!

8. How would Tupac’s “Hit’ Em Up” sound if the big bad wolf was saying it to the three little pigs?
“First off, fuck yo’ house and the clique you claim
Westside when we huff, come equipped with air
You claim to be a carpenter, but I blew your house down
We bust on Pigs, Ham fucked for life”
(I used this in my last set and it killed)

Sexy but Not Pornographic

Follow Vanessa Valenzuela on these following social media websites:
Instagram: @JustMe_NessaV
Twitter: @JustMe_NessaV
Facebook: Vanessa Valenzuela
Snapchat: @JustMe_NessaV

*I’ll be hosting Sippin’ Sundaze this summer in LA every Sunday afternoon at 6pm. It’s a day party with food, drinks and some of LA’s best DJ’s. 686 N Spring St, Los Angeles, CA 90012.